David Lee Roth, Elvis Costello and Rock Critics: An Analysis of a Famous Quote

My friend Zack recently reminded me of David Lee Roth's famous quote (roughly): "The reason more rock critics like Elvis Costello than us is that more rock critics look like Elvis Costello than us."

Zack tracked down this video of a young Diamond Dave discussing the quote (which he had apparently first uttered some years before):

It is a great quote, if you think of it in terms of Diamond Dave's persona during his late-70s-mid-80s heyday: the rock star as sex god. (He even appeared in one video wearing a stud's tail). Contrast that with Elvis Costello's image at the time: The bespectacled nerd.

Both have aged since then, of course, and we know a little more now about the truth behind their public images. David Lee Roth became a radio host for a while, and even worked for a time as a paramedic before returning on the inevitable reunion tour with Van Halen. Elvis Costello, born Declan MacManus, has had his ups and downs, but has held onto his reputation as a respected songwriter and musician.

That said, I read Costello's memoirs last year and was struck by how, in many ways, his young self comes across as just as much of a sex maniac as Diamond Dave ever was. Much of the book is taken up with the story of how his compulsive infidelity destroyed his first marriage. We also get an allusion to his affair with Bebe Buell, the Playboy model who also had relationships with Todd Rungren and Steven Tyler, among other rock stars. (Her daughter is Liv Tyler.) Costello even tells a story about catching a ride with a woman taxi driver and then going to a hotel room with her. That story sounds like something right out of a salacious Prince song. 

So, between Diamond Dave and Elvis Costello, which was the nerd, and which was the lothario?

The Question

This got me thinking: Was David Lee Roth right about rock critics? Let's look at the evidence.

First: Van Halen, with David Lee Roth, in their youthful glory:

Rock critics?

Next, the competition:

Elvis Costello (left). This photo appears to come from the 21st century, but with the glasses, tie and blazer, this is pretty much the same look he has worn since he was young. The hat became more common later.

Now, let's look at some rock critics:

Ann Powers, NPR music.
Well, she has glasses, anyway.

Carl Wilson, author of  "Let's Talk About Love."
Glasses, later Costello period beard. 

Amanda Petrusich, author of "Do Not Sell At
Any Price." Blond, like Diamond Dave. No glasses.

Cameron Crowe, screenwriter of semi-autobiographical film "Almost Famous." Hairstyle would not look out of place on Eddie Van Halen.

David Fricke, longtime Rolling Stone writer. Glasses,
Ramones-ish haircut, VH-ish denim jacket. 

Everett True, grunge hypemaster. Glasses.

Ellen Willis, looking fabulous. Definitely
not Van Halen, but not Costello, either.

Greil Marcus, rock intellectual. Not sure even Costello
would dare wear those round frames.

Jessica Hopper, author of "The First Collection of Criticism by a Living Female Rock Critic."
No glasses, but a VH-friendly denim jacket.

Lester Bangs. looking too seedy even for
Van Halen.

Michael Azerrad, author of "Our Band Could Be Your Life."
Bypassing bespectacled Costello and going straight to the
Lawyer Look. Definitely not Van Halen.

Nick Kent, author of "The Dark Stuff:
Selected Writings on Rock Music."

Rob Sheffield, author of "On Bowie."
 Lovably nerdy,  like Elvis.

Simon Reynolds, author of "Retromania." Glasses.

Robert Christgau, "The Dean of American Rock Critics."
Glasses put him in the Costello camp, but Costello wouldn't
wear a T-shirt like this. Certain Van Halen members might.

Analysis

David Lee Roth's explanation of the critical consensus rests on two arguments. To test his hypothesis, one must address two questions:

A. Did more rock critics look like Elvis Costello than Van Halen?                                                   

B. If the answer to Question A is yes, then was the perceived  physical resemblance the reason          for the critics' musical preference?

First, Question A. looking over the photos above, I see a serious flaw in my data: These photos come from a long span of years. To really test Diamond Dave's theory, I should probably concentrate on what rock critics looked like at the time he first uttered it out loud, in the 1970s or early '80s. That means we should throw out most of the photos above. Let's throw in another photo of rock critics in the 1970s. Below: a photo of Rolling Stone magazine staffers in the 1970s.

Staffers watch President Nixon's resignation speech at the San Francisco office of Rolling Stone in 1974, before the magazine moved to New York. Ben Fong-Torres stands near the television. He's wearing glasses, but the longish hair, open collar shirt and jeans look like rock star wear of the time.

If we confine our data set to the photo of the Rolling Stone office, the photo of Ellen Willis, the photo of Nick Kent and the photo of Lester Bangs, we have something of a mixed bag. I mean, if you ask me, Nick Kent looks more like a rock star than Michael Anthony does. Greil Marcus and Robert Christgau didn't look a whole lot more like rock stars in the 1970s than they do now.

On to Question B. The answer is no.

Conclusion

While we cannot conclusively confirm that more rock critics looked like Elvis Costello than like Van Halen in the late 1970s and early 80s, the predominance of eyewear among rock critics does suggest a resemblance to the glasses-wearing Elvis Costello. However, rock critics were and are more stylish than David Lee Roth's quote suggests. Also, there are a number of reasons critics might have preferred Elvis Costello to Van Halen in addition to any physical similarities between Elvis Costello and rock critics.